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Divorce
is a sin! Perhaps you may think
that marriage is the "old
fashioned" way. If that is
your thought on marriage, then let me
say that marriage is the "right
way" as well. It does not
matter what has changed over time,
marriage will always be the right way
within the sacred boundaries of God's
law. Marriage is right between a
man and a woman!
There
is no perfect marriage. There are
no perfect families. You always
get the good with the bad…such is
life. It is ok for a marriage to
hit some potholes in the road.
These cannot be completely avoided
simply because we are all human beings
prone to anger and disobedience against
God. We are going to hit some
potholes in the road; however, it is
those open manhole covers that we need
to watch out for. It is
unrealistic to believe that you can live
with another human being for any length
of time without eventually having cross
words between each other.
A
marriage should be based upon one
another's love for each other.
Unfortunately, many marriages today are
based upon economics, loneliness or an
unexpected pregnancy. If you are
in such a marriage, it is still a
legitimate marriage in the eyes of God.
Perhaps you married for the wrong
reasons, many people do. That is
ok, you just make the best of your
marriage and don't let other people
interfere. Two wrongs never equal
a right. Wrong is wrong! If
you feel you married the wrong person,
then you need to ask God to humble you.
Anyone can live with anybody if they can
learn to be a nobody. This whole
idea of finding the perfect mate is
crazy. It is not uncommon for a
couple to wonder after a few years if
maybe they should have married someone
else. It is still a sin to divorce
your spouse. Don't do it. If
you need to separate for a time, then do
so…but never ever consider a divorce.
If you do, you are willingly sinning.
Divorce
is a sin for a couple reasons:
1.
Because you are breaking your marriage
vows…"'til death do us
part!" When you say your
wedding vows, you are making a lifetime
commitment. I don't care if you
get married at city hall or church, God
still holds you accountable for your
promises and commitments. A
promise is a promise!
2.
Because God said so!
"Wherefore they are no more twain,
but one flesh. What therefore God hath
joined together, let not man put
asunder." -Matthew 19:6
God
hates divorce! It is only
because of our sinful pride and selfish
ways that we end up divorced in the
first place. It is so typical to
hear a divorced wife or husband talking
about how much they gave but never
received anything in return.
Listen friend, marriage is not a 50/50
deal as most people would lead you to
believe. No! Marriage is a
100% deal. We are supposed to give
100% to our spouse, even if they only
return 10%. But you say,
"That's not fair!"
You're right…life's not fair! We
are a spoiled bunch in America.
It's sickening to know that over 50% of
all new marriages end in divorce in
America. It's out pride!
"No one is going to treat me like
that!" "I love him but
he's just too mean." If your
husband is a tyrant, then you leave him
until he goes for help…but don't sin
against him and God by filing for
divorce. Also, why is he getting
angry? People usually get angry
for a valid reason.
I
realize some people might seem like they
deserve a divorce, but we are not to
give up on our spouse. God NEVER
gives up on us…Hebrews 13:5…NEVER!
If we are to be Christ-like, then we
must stand by our mate…"for
better, for worse." Did you
not make that vow on your wedding day?
Yes you most certainly did! People
nowadays like to file for divorce when
things turn for the worse. This is
sin!!! Wouldn't it be nice if
every marriage could always be only
"for better." Not
really. If you never went through
tough times together with your spouse,
then you would never grow together.
That which does not kill us makes us
stronger, IF we don't throw in the towel
by quitting!
If
you are considering a divorce, I plead
with you to give God a chance by giving
your spouse another chance. God is
willing to forgive us an infinite number
of times. Surely we can learn to
forgive each other. Don't allow
the pressures of this crazy world to
destroy your marriage. Set some
priorities. Turn off the phone.
Tell your friends your going to be busy
spending time with your spouse for
months to come. Love your spouse!
Go places together. Your not going
to beat the system! So stop trying
to get ahead. Forget the stock
market. Forget the overtime.
Don't work midnight shift. Go to
the park together. Do some
different things.
That's
a good statement! You've got to
change something in your marriage!
Think! Don't be stupid like so
many people are by throwing away your
marriage. I'd hate to think you
simply don't care anymore. If
that's you, then get right with God!
If your job is stressing you out, then
quit your job if need be but don't
divorce. Whatever it is that's
ruining your marriage, quit it!
Most people place their marriage at the
bottom of their list of priorities.
Your marriage should come first, friends
and family down on the list. By
the way, church should come down on the
list to. Nothing should be any
higher on your list of priorities than
your spouse. Only God comes
higher, and God wants you to love each
other above all else. If you
don't, then nothing else really matters.
If
you love your spouse, then you'll put
up with him or her.
If
you love your spouse, then you'll put
up with him or her.
If
you love your spouse, then you'll put
up with him or her.
If
you love your spouse, then you'll put
up with him or her.
If
you love your spouse, then you'll put
up with him or her.
It's
really as simple as that. If you
love someone, then you'll put up with
them just as God puts up with us!
People
don't "fall" into sin.
No! We choose to go into sin.
We choose to hold onto our sinful pride.
We choose not to love our spouse anymore
with God's love. We choose to
divorce. It takes two to tango.
No marriage is ever only one person's
fault. There's always two sides to
every story, and then there's what
really happened! The truth usually
abides somewhere in the middle.
There's
no such thing as the saying, "We
used to love each other." The
Bible clearly teaches that "love
never faileth." Either you
loved your spouse then and still do now,
or else you don't love your spouse now
and never did at all. True love is
NOT conditional. You hang in there
and be strong while your spouse is weak,
for that is what God does for us.
Who's
to Blame?
I
realize that in some situations, a
spouse may run off with someone else in
adultery. The abandoned spouse is
often helpless to recover their former
mate. I did not write this article
to condemn anyone, especially not the
victim of a divorce. A gentlemen
recently wrote me, saying that his wife
had run off with another man and
remarried. So tragic! The
man was obviously very sad. In
such a situation, even though the
husband may have contributed to his
wife's decision to leave; he is NOT
guilty of committing divorce (as he did
not file or agree to the divorce).
When a couple promises to stay
with each another "for better, for
worse; 'til death do us part," that
is what God expects. I wrote this
article to take a Biblical stand against
rebellious people (such as the
gentleman's wife), who run off and
abandon their spouse when the going gets
tough, breaking their wedding vows.
Divorce is a sin! Howbeit, if you
are the victim of a divorce (i.e., your
spouse abandoned you without your
approval), you have my deepest
sympathies. I realize that all the
sympathy in the world won't make
anything better; but, Jesus Christ can
make things better if you'll lose
yourself in the Lord's work of
soulwinning.
I
cannot tell you what to do, for only you
can make the decisions that guide your
life; BUT, If your spouse has left you
and is not remarried yet, I would
suggest that you call her/him and
attempt to make things right. I
would also suggest that you ask your
pastor if he'll go with you to visit
your spouse. Only sinful pride
causes divorce. There have been
many instances of divorced couples
actually getting remarried. I
realize that there are many different
situations, and everyone feels that they
are the victim in a divorce; but, God
knows everyone's heart and WILL judge
the guilty. I simply wrote this
article in hopes of possibly saving a
few marriages. You don't
have to divorce your spouse!
Divorce is a personal choice that no one
MAKES you do.
In
a situation where your spouse has
abandoned you and is already remarried,
you must let go. I realize this is
often excruciatingly painful; but, why
hold on to what doesn't exist anymore?
The past can no longer hurt you; but the
future can. So don't live in the
unchangeable past. The past is
forever gone, and now you must move
forward. I cannot give you
Scriptural support for what I am about
to say; BUT, I believe that the victim
of a divorce is free to remarry in such
a situation (provided that every honest
attempt has been made to reconcile the
marriage relationship, and adequate time
has been allowed for reconciliation--I
recommend 5 years).
Let
me clarify my statement by saying…many
people look for excuses to justify their
divorce (sin), wrongfully exaggerating
their spouses behaviour, trying to
demonize their spouse. It is NEVER
right for you to leave and then remarry
(because you are the guilty party for
leaving). Whoever FILES for
divorce is the guilty party (as far as
the divorce itself). If a spouse
was abusive, leading to a divorce; then
God will judge that person for their
abusive words and actions; BUT, that
certainly does NOT justify a divorce!!!
God KNOWS your every thought and
intention, so no matter how much you
attempt to rationalize and lie to
yourself, God WILL hold you fully
accountable for your words and actions
on judgment day. I'm simply saying
that there are two sides to every story,
and then there's the TRUTH--and God will
judge each divorced couple according to
the TRUTH; and not their own side of the
story. It is clearly adultery for
any married person to run off and marry
another. If you are truly a
victim, then God knows your situation
and I believe you are free to remarry;
BUT, there are some men who deliberately
abuse their wives, tempting her to file
for divorce, and then the husband
portrays himself as the victim. In
such cases, God will judge the wife for
filing for divorce; BUT, the husband
much more so because of his tyranny and
abuse.
In
closing, divorce is a sin and should
never be considered an option in any
marriage. The divorce rate in
America is skyrocketing because of
sinful pride. It is the same
sinful pride that fuels abortion,
murder, homosexuality, witchcraft,
gambling, pornography, and every other
sin imaginable. I wrote this
article with people like Amy
Grant in mind, who coldheartedly
walked out on her husband in 1999, to
run off with Vince Gill, who ran off on
his wife. As believers, let us
follow in the steps of our Wonderful
Saviour, Who said He would never leave
us, nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5).
In
Jesus' name…
David
J. Stewart
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